1. An..an..za...diety... I meant "Anxiety"

---

Yeah, I am with another legit visitor, the most unwelcome topic of the decade

Anxiety

(*sighs*)

Introduction: So yesterday I wanted to call this certain someone and it was a very easy process, you know, searching the name, pressing on ‘call’ icon and there you are. But… that wasn’t the case really.

I was under the weather and you know terrible mood swings and I texted that person if I could call, then I rejected the thought instantly but then again I thought I should but instead I kept the phone aside and I thought again I should call but I texted that I’m not and after wasting my fifteen fucking minutes, I called!

Ah!

---

Anxiety is terrible.

I still remember when I was a young child when my mother used to threaten me not to swallow the seeds of the fruits that I used to eat or otherwise a tree will start growing in my stomach and I would never do that, fearing the conclusions.

Like that, I used to fear a lot of things, climbing a ladder thinking I’ll crash down, sleeping in the dark, thinking a ghost will kill me and what not.

The good news is I have outgrown these fears! But after all, news is news some of the fears still lays with me though the fears have changed, the emotions has expanded.

I don’t know why but I tend to feel so cold and over whelmed sometimes and I don’t even know if I’m breathing or not.

You start experiencing it way before you could find an appropriate term to describe it, and humans call this stress, disguised as anxiety.

Breathing exercises are most famous way to cope with it.

These days, there are quite a lot varieties of anxiety more than ice cream could ever have.

It stays in their mind more than the last Episodes of the Kardashians and they fear it more than Trump's tweeter account.

Also when Niall sings "If the whole world was watching, I'd still dance with you" someone has mentioned

"I have social anxiety, but.... If the whole world, i'd still dance with you"

Man, I get you.

Even when I am doing something I think someone is staring at me or observing me, no matter what I do,

no matter wherever I am,

It’s so hard and I find it hard to do things.

Even when I write, there’s a fear in mind that something bad will happen regarding it and ah, there I am, losing the moment.

Anxiety is caused when something triggers it, like our worst fear don’t come true, anxiety doesn’t ask for such efforts, it comes with the blow of wind and it flows with it and this ‘sudden’ thing is scary.

The one reason why anxiety takes control over you could be (could be) “material world”

Obviously, we can’t abandon it but it doesn’t mean that we should drag materialistic thing in everything we do.

Like, for instance, you’re on a vacation to a beach and there’s a beautiful sunset and you know that scenery,

most of us wouldn’t feel good if we didn’t share the pictures on the story or share it with friends.

That was a trash example.

I’m not finding even one, but see standing in front of audience is a nervous moment, especially if that’s our first time but when this nervousness stalks us everywhere and we start involving it in every task we perform and even the trivial thing we do like texting someone (like I did) asking someone to move aside, etc.

It can just appear in any form. In my case, what I’ve noticed is,

“The more we think about the conclusions, the more traumatizing it gets”

like not traumatizing exactly, but it doesn’t take too much time to get traumatic.

It’s not your mistake that you care, you’re a kind and caring person, a good person but what happens is when done continually, it becomes a habit and so on. So, there is a need of management.

The only way I manage it, sometimes is “come on, I’m not gonna die, let it happen whatever’s going to, we’ll see”

(which is a nihilistic perspective)

this works, depends but these days I always ensure that I don’t put myself in trouble.

---

In case you wanna dig in

Contact: appleskeats@gmail.com

---