Getting older : Crisis or Clarity

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i am not certain what to talk or write about, my mind’s blank at the moment. I had decided a lot of things but ‘I had’ and that’s the difference. It might be a common phenomenon of getting older.

I remember when I was in kindergarten I used to hear the names of these countries like America and Australia and my belief was that these all are 28 countries (which was actually the no. of states in my country) and America was situated in another planet, I just knew Pluto, after Earth so I used to think that India or Pakistan might be located in Pluto and US would be in earth because People used to boast about lot of US and UK. I never asked these questions to anyone but yeah, how absurd I was.

Talking about TV Channels, every time my mom or anyone would flip the channels, I would see the same actors on several channels and I was curious, how do they manage to appear on every channel in seconds, obviously that was an obvious question for a six year old like me.

Until 2013 or 14 I guess, I used to think that they had a super power through which they would change their clothes and whole appearance in seconds and would just appear on the TV Screen.

It is absurd, but the fact is I was allowed to ask myself such questions, I used to let myself question everything.

Like, see when we were younger and insensible, a toddler or around that age we used to let ourselves color the tress into purple color, Sky in green color, lion with black or a river with yellow, it was our own world of imagination. The reason we don’t ask these questions now is that we have limited our imagination, it’s true that, that wouldn’t be right if we add different colors but it won’t be wrong either.

We tend to think that we know everything and hence we just don’t even try to view the world differently, we don’t let ourselves do that. I don’t know about others but I have discovered one thing about getting older and that is, over thinking the wrong things. Over-thinking isn’t evil, but over-thinking wrong things is.

If you ever notice babies, they always love to unscrew their toys. The moment they’re given a toy car, they are curious about what’s inside.

No matter how much they get scolded or even beaten for breaking or doing such things they do it. They would break it to see what’s inside. That’s also because they aren’t responsible. The more we get older, the less we’re vulnerable.

If you ask an older boy \ girl to dance or sing in midst of the school, in front of their teachers or students, or any where in the public it might take a lot of time to convince them to do that, the reason is common and relatable, ‘not wanting to be judged or made fun of’ but the situation is totally opposite with a younger one. Kids have no fear.

The changes we witness while becoming an adult is noticeable and disappointing (A lot of times). We stop sharing the same bed with our parents, we start demanding more privacy, we don’t like to be pressurized, we stop talking about little things, reasons are valid but we start doing things ‘too much’. Surrounding contributes in this too.

I wrote my first story, (Lol not even a story but sorta like that) when I was 10, almost ten. It was about a parrot I don’t remember much.

Then I used to write occasionally but now when I read some of those writings again, I notice how different I was. I used to write about animals, sparrows, crows, ice-creams, sky, the Sun and the Moon, the forest, birthdays, lunch breaks, Sundays and now you won’t find anything except things resonating with eclipses and storms or things that would make you a thinker. Bizarre. It hurts but that absurdity was really euphoric.

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Insta: @eightin18 / @only.mental_health_