4 reasons why long distance relationship suck (and why they don't)
- appleskeats
- Jun 12, 2023
- 5 min read
Updated: Jun 29, 2023
Long distance relationships
Relationships with distance in between.
More than 50% of people in today's world are claimed to be involved in a long distance relationship.
But, Long distance relationships bring dozens of doubts too.
You know it, I know it.
Even if we trust our partners,
What if he stopped thinking about me? What if she finds a ‘nice guy’?
What if he flirts with other girls and calls them over?
What if she gets bored and ends this relationship?
Will this work out?
Why isn't he receiving my calls?
Is this relationship a waste of time?
Now, here's a thing.
The common problem with long distance relationships is limited exposure to the partner, not being physically close to them.
Why does it sucks?
One problem invites the other,
and even though we can be closer to our respective partners through the internet and calls, there's not just one or two difficulties in a long relationship.
4 reasons why long distance relationship suck
Mode of communication: Texting
We all have done this mistake at some point in our lives, apart from this,
to fight through texts or argue through texts.
More than half of the times the
Messages we send via texts are being misunderstood and miscommunicated due to lack of intonation, sarcasm and voice.
Several times, we don't even address the doubts that are born due to texts.
Also, the timing of texts maintains time differences due to which there's no room for a conversation.
It's important to have a real talk once in a while and keep checking in on each other.
Especially in the rough times.
Limited exposure
When we’re apart from one another or have limited exposure to a person or event, we have half information.
Even if they don't get back immediately, or we rush to make all sorts of assumptions or judgments which are either exaggerated or else completely wrong about our partners
If your partner isn’t in front of you all day every day, you miss those little hidden traits of them that you would've noticed unknowingly if they would have been with you.
Therefore, it’s simple to forget the disagreeable or nasty parts of their personality that actually bother you.
You might fantasise your personal picture of “the one ” with their real personality.
Must have heard, the irrational ideologies saying,
“Absence makes the heart grow fonder”
“Dooriyaan pyaar badhati hai”
Dogshit.
“In reality, Absence make the heart turn into a fucking hot blooded dragon that turns the heart into ash”
When it's a crush or a mere liking, it's okay, things aren't that serious.
“Love is not enough in serious relationships.
You both need to have life visions that are aligned, shared values, and mutual interests
It’s easy for couples to get so wrapped up in their daily lives and schedules that they forget to value each other”
Says Mark Manson.
Lack of direction
If you don't have a plan of when you'd be moving together, no plan of the future you aspire to build “together”
If he's signing a 7 years contract with an infrastructure cooperation in Boston, and she's working on a fashion startup in Japan, and they wanna adopt a puppy when they move in together in the “future”
????
You can have your career spinning around you in different corners of the world for a specific no. of years,
but eventually you both ought to settle down,
with regard to each other's career and other plans.
Together.
Doubts and jealousy (esp if left unexpressed)
DOUBTS:
Is she getting close with that guy with a half cut beard who was in her story last week? Is he getting bored of this and maybe double dating? Is she changing? Blah blah blah
DOUBTS ARE NORMAL IN A RELATIONSHIP.
In any relationship, the phase from 6 months - 2 years consists of doubts and uncertainties.
(From Suwinyattichaiporn, 2017)
“Partners with long-distance relationship experience reported that the longer they went without seeing their partner face-to-face, the greater their relationship uncertainty became”
JEALOUSY:
So, Negative emotions are that sneaky to come in and ruin things,
jealousy is one in the list.
Jealousy comes up when it's my birthday but she puts her story where she's eating out with her friends,
it knocks when he isn't receiving my call because he's out at a family function, it comes up when she's spending time with her colleagues although I miss her enormously.
WHY THE FUCK ON EARTH HAS NO ONE DIED YET???
Relatable?
You can feel jealous of your partner's friends and family too, and social media is definitely a top trigger.
In both of these cases:
Communication is the goddamn key.
If you don’t express your doubts and concerns to your partner, they'll grow in your mind.
Thus the best way to deal with doubts, regardless of how long you’ve had them, is to share them with your partner and ask them for their opinion
Benefits of long distance relationship
Distance becomes a tutor for both you & your partner, the value of your relationship, and how much it matters to both of you.
You both will inevitably go through new experiences without your partner, but this can make you stronger and independent
You appreciate your quality time. You appreciate every second you spend together.
It can help to strengthen the emotional bond, a bond that goes beyond physical bond.
Why does a long distance relationship WORK
Remember, If the relationship matters, the distance doesn't.
Prioritising allotting a specific time in a day for your partner and communicate.
Being transparent with your thoughts and doubts. No matter how smaller it is, if it bothers you, share. This is one of the biggest advantages of a long distance relationship, that is communication.
Your partner's Personal life. Your partner is away from you. They'll have a circle of people around them, they'd create their ‘own’ personal life and so will you.
They'd hang out with their friends on weekends,
they'd go to parties,
visit places and sadly you wouldn't be a part of any of it.
(That sucked!)
But it is OKAY.
It's an injustice to hold them back from having incredible moments.
Rather, you can focus on your life too, improving your career and other life aspects and watch + encourage each other grow, build, evolve and explore in
your respective lives.
Being with each other in the hard times. You already miss out on their smaller habits whenever they feel a certain feeling,
she may never know he locks himself in a room whenever he's annoyed,
he may never know she eats a lot of chocolate whenever she's sad.
Sharing smaller moments. I mean, why not? No, you can't go on a coffee date with them.
But, it is keeping each other uplifted whenever you can, you just water the hope of your relationship.
TALK. We do miss a lot of this part in a long distance relationship, especially during hard times.
How would you talk? I said it before,
saying it again.
Messages we send via texts are being misunderstood and miscommunicated
due to lack of intonation, sarcasm and voice, text suck.
Long distance relationships are actually the most beautiful ones, in the end you don't just get your beloved partner but also a individual “you”
Lots of love to the ones currently going through this, you'd make it <3
Contact: appleskeats@gmail.com
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gauri :)
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