4 false beliefs about relationships that may kill your relationship

appleskeats
Jun 11, 2023
5 min read

Updated: Jul 2, 2023

If you're finding that one “perfect” partner for you, out of those 8.2 billion personalities, they're only your “made in heaven” partner.

If yes, congratulations, I'm going to disappoint you.

But,

It's a good idea to get offended by a 4 minute genuine blog written by a screwed up (yet brilliant stranger

whose love for apples is so immense

that her email has given up its own name) rather than your partner themselves!!

Introduction:

Relationships are no big deal these days, like they were 100 years ago with the lack of technology, there was no

easy way of communication,

there was not even any guarantee that the person you are in love with,

will see you if they move to another state or country.

Unlike those times, we have social media today, texting applications, emails, dating applications.

One can talk with whomever they want, combining other factors, Relationships are not a big deal.

But. Wait.

Aren't these the same factors that make it a big deal?

You may know those vids on YouTube titled “psychology facts” which have a list of actions and reasons that are claimed to be psychological

We all tend to believe some of these pop culture myths as we hear about them often from all kinds of people repeatedly

& we never verily care about verifying these trending myths.

With that said, Let us clear some air here, here goes the first myth.

1. If they are jealous of you talking to someone else, it is a sign they love you.

This is one of the famed myths, along with it there are other ones.

For instance, if my partner is jealous of other people talking to me, they are just trying to protect me.

FALSE.

This myth, however, can't be totally false either.

According to Tony Robbins ( American author)

“Mild jealousy does show that we care about our partner and

don’t want to lose them.

Relationships are stuck in a jam only when jealousy gets out of control.”

The connection of love and jealousy has been made so common but that is where the truth hides.

Such signs of jealousy, possessiveness and other toxic traits are traits that with time take the face of abuse.

Mistake: Many people make such attempts to make their partner jealous by pretending to get closer to another person of the opposite sex, & if they do not get jealous, it is taken as a sign of lack of love.

Corresponding plans can backfire too, causing misunderstandings &

lighting a matchstick to a good going gall.

You better stop watching teen romances on Netflix or YT.

If your partner gets jealous, well here are some reasons why it happens.

• A general tendency to be moody,

anxious, emotionally unstable

• Feelings of insecurity + possessiveness.

• Feelings of inadequacy in your relationship (Fear about not being good enough for your partner)

• An anxious attachment style: (A chronic attitude towards romantic relationships involving fear that your partner will leave or won’t love you enough)

What to do about it:

Try to Avoid situations that are likely to arouse false suspicions.
Communicate. Try to address the issue directly rather than beating around the bush, when you do this your partner feels loved and listened to, plus there remains no room for confusion or uncertainty.
Practising working on your emotions. In relationships, we can ask them for support, but expecting them to manage our emotions for us is not right (nor should we want them to!).
Work on your confidence (if you face the problem).

2. Partners who are serious about their relationship put it first.

Again, this is another perfect picture of a “perfect partner” who ranks his/her relationship at the top, puts all other things later in the line.

People seem to immediately get upset if this is not done by their partners.

When in any relationship, where two individuals are involved can't (and shouldn't) lose their own individualities.

Both the parties own other responsibilities and priorities that they need to attend to, that doesn't make the other partner an “option” in that relationship.

Across pop culture, several tv shows and films have represented such scenes where they claim their partners treat them like an option because they're not prioritising that relationship.

It depends on the circumstances as well.

So the question arises,

How to recognise if they are treating you like an option

They are always busy, they ignore your calls and messages,

they don’t make time for you in their schedule,

they prioritize their friends or social circles over you and this happens repeatedly.

Even after confronting and addressing the issue, this continues, that is a sign they are.

But if your partner is staying busy, not responding but also is trying to

make time for you &

communicate with you, resassuring you

necessary not treating you as an “option”

3. No fights take place in healthy relationships

Who doesn't fight. Friends fight too.

Family fights.

Fight is a common thing in any relationship.

“The less arguments you have, the healthier the relationship.”

No. WRONG.

“Fights are what make your relationship stronger because it's not possible for the two of you to see eye to eye on everything.

The fact that you are willing to put your ideas forth,

even if conflicting, only proves how withstanding your bond is”

Every relationship experiences conflict regardless of its nature (a romantic, familial or platonic one)

“Much like a small cut that will heal easily if attended to, but fester into a deeper wound if left untreated”

When we don’t communicate,

don’t express our needs and feelings & don’t listen to one another,

we feel neglected & will eventually start to argue.

That’s okay, if we know how to argue. It’s accustomed to not always agreeing

with our partner.

We can even agree to disagree.

4. Confessing your feelings or troubles with another person burdens them

Oft-times, it is obvious to feel that ranting in front of them, bragging about your problems to them,

will burden your partner.

Maybe, yes,

but the main intention here is

“sharing your problem” with them.

At one point, they may not be a fan of listening to all your boasting,

but when it’s about sharing your problems, they won’t let you down.

You should NOT HESITATE to tell them.

According to betterhelp,

“When you are truthful about your feelings, your thoughts, what is going on in your life,

it can be a lot easier for your partner to interpret where you are coming from plus how to best be with you.

It might be hard to let your partner help with certain things, and that is okay.

For example, if you have trauma from your past that you would rather not discuss, then it may take time for you to go to your partner with those specific concerns”

(Read the whole article here: betterhelp )

People even misunderstand being vulnerable too.

A partner who has unhealthy expectations of openness and honesty might

expect to know

every detail of where you are,

what you're doing,

restrict who you can spend time with,

or demand access to your social media accounts.

That is wrong.

It is all about emotional vulnerability

If you cannot give exposure all at once, consider them to see glimpses into what is going on in your head, even if you do so slowly.

Conclusion:

Whatever your partner is like, it’s a reminder that every individual's personality is shaped by their surroundings,

which contribute to shaping their opinions and perspectives.

The deepest wounds often come from childhood.

They can affect the way people see the world, themselves and their relationships, although not all wounds belong to childhood.

Therapy helps to treat your mental health.

Let me know how much I disappointed you :)

Contact : appleskeats@gmail.com

Gauri more.